Unfriending vs. the First Amendment
Monday, February 15, 2010 at 11:28AM By Lynn Selich
The unthinkable happened, and I never thought it would happen to me.
No, I wasn’t mugged jogging Balboa Island. Nor did I win the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes. And no, I still can’t quite fit in my size six jeans these days ... Let’s not go there.
So what was the unthinkable?
Here’s a hint: It’s a noun (in this case used as a verb, and is listed as one of the 2009 New Oxford American Dictionary Words of the Year.)
You guessed it. I was “unfriended” on Facebook.
Now, a few years ago when everyone was all a-buzz about Facebook, I swore I wasn't going to post a page. My impression of the site was that it was loaded with a lot of folks with a lot of time on their hands. Those who languish in a similar cliché vein as computer hackers or The Inquirer readers. Most postings mused how cute the dog is when licking peanut butter off a spoon, or bemoaning why Steve Irwin had to die so young, or proclaiming “JESUS LOVES YOU!!!!!”
At the time, FB just didn’t seem to align with my interests, or include anyone I would ever “friend” if they actually had a page.
But then, social networking exploded in popularity and FB was all the rage. It seemed everyone had a page. Even my own mother! I was beginning to feel like the guy who passes gas in a trendy crowded bar. A loser. A misfit. And that I was being left out – and worse, not keeping up with social marketing technology trends. Yikes! Was I becoming a 45-year-old fuddy duddy?
So up went my Facebook page.
Soon, I was “friended” by long-lost high school buddies, favorite former colleagues, even old boyfriends. I was networking with great people, supporting causes I believed in, introducing single friends, and catching up with relatives from out of town. I finally got it – and I was having fun.
Midway into my newly budding relationship with FB, I was “friended” by the development director of a local cultural institution. I gladly accepted, agreeing to introduce him to contacts that could potentially help the organization, and because he was new to the community, acquaint him with the people in the circles he wished to swim.
And then, without warning, the FB shoe fell.
It all went down like this. One morning while cheerfully going about my business, I received a message that the above-mentioned “friend” had “unfriended” me. At first I thought it a joke. That perhaps my morning caffeine hadn’t kicked in. I found myself staring at the computer screen in a weird suspended moment of animated awe. You know the feeling, somewhere between confusion and utter denial. (The same perplexed look I get from my sweetheart when he’s watching football and I ask him why they fling that little flaggy thing in the air.)
Huh???!
I couldn’t for the life of me think why this person would go to this extreme. I dug deep to find anything that could have possibly offended him personally or professionally. Nothing. Nada. Nunca.
Or so I thought. Then I read his message.
“Lynn, while I think you are an absolute goddess (the sycophantic butt-kiss before the real blow), I simply can’t stand seeing all the conservative talk show hosts you have posted on your Facebook page pop up on my FB News Feed every day.”
What? Was he kidding?
An absolute goddess, but he’s dissing me because I occasionally like to listen to Bill O’Reilly opine? Unbelievable! I started to laugh out loud, and giggled my way down the hall to my husband’s office for a good knee-slapping season. He didn’t think it was quite as funny. He thought it was weird and rude. I laughed it off and went back to my computer.
And then, I started to get a little peeved.
I wanted to type back to my new unfriend: “Hey buddy, ever heard of the First friggin’ Amendment???
Really, if material I don’t want to read or see pops up on FB, it doesn’t call for an unfriending maneuver. Just move on (or adjust the News Feed settings). Unless someone is clearly psycho, it’s interesting to learn what people are all about, even if we don’t agree or have the same point of view. Thank goodness we live in a country that protects our First Amendment right to think and feel any way we darn well like. It’s one of the many, (some think fleeting) things that make this country great.
And that’s what Facebook is about. It is yet another excellent American-made tool that encourages and protects our (and the world’s) constitutional freedom of speech and the right to express ourselves.
Now, the fact that my unfriend took issue at seeing Glen Beck pop up on his News Feed didn’t bother me. Hey, if he doesn’t like it, I respect that. It’s a free country. But what did bother me, was that I had gone out of my way to support this person at his request, and he thanked me by being so petty. My husband was right, it was rude.
Regardless, whether we choose to interact with each other through Facebook, cell phone, email, fax, in-person, or via smoke signals, basic principles of good manners still apply.
By unfriending me over something as marginal as being a fan of conservative talk shows, especially after I tried to be supportive, was not only petty, my unfriend revealed incredibly inept networking skills and a schoolyard mentality I haven’t experienced since second grade, when my best friend asked for help with her homework and then acted like she didn’t know me at tetherball.
Therefore, my unsolicited recommendation before any act of “unfriending” is the same golden rule most of us are taught in kindergarten: Treat people the way you want to be treated.
And don’t hide behind social networking sites to do your communication dirty work, pass judgment or derail decent manners. It belittles us all, and it lowers the bar on what it really means to be a “friend.”
Lynn Selich is a freelance writer residing in Newport Beach with her husband. Her weekly column runs Mondays. She can be reached at (949) 723-1352 or lynnselich@roadrunner.com.
Reader Comments (3)
Great article, Lynn!
Aww... your well written article should garner you enough new Facebook friends to replace that old one!!
Excellent and humorous article. Right on Lynn! Good riddance to the "friend." If I had FB, you would be my friend.